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Jokes that didn't make the broadcast.

Started by puddingwrestler, February 24, 2009, 07:53:20 PM

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puddingwrestler

Just thought that Philp's inability to beat these jokes into a useable shape for the broadcast should not stand between you and them!
Here are some of the other jokes I submitted.

One:

GENERAL: Leaps tall buildings in a single bound, faster than a locamotive, talks to GOD.
COLONEL: Clears medium rise buildigns with a run up, can keep up with a locomotive, prays a lot.
MAJOR: Jumps over Nissen huts with a run up, chases after locomotives Says 'OH GOD!' when he hits his thumb with a hammer..
CAPTAIN: Jumps over puddles in a single bound, is allowed to ride on trains Goes to church.
LIUTENANT: Jumps in puddles, says 'Look at the choo-choo', is a member of the choir.
SERGEAT MAJOR: Picks up tall buildings and walks underneath. Derails locos and pulls the train himself to make it go faster HE IS GOD!.
WHIFFER: Rewrites history so the building is never built, redesigns the locomotive to go even faster, rights GOD out of continuity!.

Two:
Why did the JMN cross the road?
He wanted to count the rivets on the Panzer parked on the other side.

Three:
How can you tell the difference between a JMN's library and a Whiffer's library?
The JMN has corrections in red ink. The Whiffer has alternate markings drawn on all the profiles.

Four:
Yo mama so fat, she makes a C-130 look like a CF-100!
(or, for fans of WW2 armor; Yo mama so fat, she makes a Ratte look like a Maus!)

Exits hurridly amidst hurled rotting vegetables having left a horrible taste in the mouths of one and all and a deeper sympathy for what Phil went through to organise the whiffies!
There are no good kits, bad kits or grail kits, just kitbash fodder.

The Rat

Quote from: puddingwrestler on February 24, 2009, 07:53:20 PMHow can you tell the difference between a JMN's library and a Whiffer's library?
The JMN has corrections in red ink. The Whiffer has alternate markings drawn on all the profiles.

I predict that this particular joke has a good chance of becoming someone's signature line somewhere!
"My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought, cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives." Hedley Lamarr, Blazing Saddles

Life is too short to worry about perfection

Youtube: https://tinyurl.com/46dpfdpr

philp

Quote from: The Rat on February 25, 2009, 05:41:04 AM
Quote from: puddingwrestler on February 24, 2009, 07:53:20 PMHow can you tell the difference between a JMN's library and a Whiffer's library?
The JMN has corrections in red ink. The Whiffer has alternate markings drawn on all the profiles.

I predict that this particular joke has a good chance of becoming someone's signature line somewhere!

I was trying to figure out how to use this one as I liked it also but the ceremony was only so long and those acceptance speeches...

Maybe Greg will post the rest he sent me.  Or maybe I will just do it for him :wacko:
Phil Peterson

Vote for the Whiffies

dragon

Quote from: philp on February 25, 2009, 08:36:42 AM
Quote from: The Rat on February 25, 2009, 05:41:04 AM
Quote from: puddingwrestler on February 24, 2009, 07:53:20 PMHow can you tell the difference between a JMN's library and a Whiffer's library?
The JMN has corrections in red ink. The Whiffer has alternate markings drawn on all the profiles.

I predict that this particular joke has a good chance of becoming someone's signature line somewhere!

I was trying to figure out how to use this one as I liked it also but the ceremony was only so long and those acceptance speeches...

Maybe Greg will post the rest he sent me.  Or maybe I will just do it for him :wacko:

I propose that this be used as a sign on the Whiff SIG table at the next IPMS Nationals :drink:
"As long as people are going to call you a lunatic anyway, why not get the benefits of it?  It liberates you from convention."- from the novel WICKED by Gregory Maguire.
  
"I must really be crazy to be in a looney bin like this" - Jack Nicholson in the movie ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST

philp

Hmmm, You going to make Columbus or Phoenix?

Think money is going to be too tight for me this year (got to get a better contract for next years Whiffies) but hoping to make Phoenix.  They did a heck of a show in 2004.
Phil Peterson

Vote for the Whiffies

philp

Greg didn't say no so here are the others he sent me :wacko:

Is that a BF-109K, or are you just happy to see me?

Now, Edsel could build REAL cars !

20 millimeter cannons? My grandmother shoots a larger gun !

Dude, I just used up a whole tube of bondo, I am sooooo wasted !

Brush painting is the Zen of modelbuilding. No really.

I brought my airbrush to the party, but no one asked me to spray.

It may be his feckin' model, but we all have to look at it.

I bought my wife spats for St. Valentine's Day. She may be pissed, but there is no mud on her ankles...at least none that I can see.

If you put a German turret on a Russian tank chassis, you get a tank that actually works. Too bad Patton was so stubborn.

TSR.2.  (that is enough of a joke)

The Danes could have conquered all of Europe, but they ran into some good kegs of beer.

Flights of fancy often involve cutting one's self with a number 11 blade.

Duct tape is not kept on the what-iffer's bench for modeling, but for keeping bits of the body attached until you can reach the hospital. Or vet.
Phil Peterson

Vote for the Whiffies