Author Topic: Russian small car to take on decadant west!  (Read 12501 times)

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Offline Ti Raven

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Re: Russian small car to take on decadant west!
« Reply #15 on: March 24, 2009, 10:33:25 pm »
I also... mine is a Suzuki Sidekick.

 :thumbsup: It goes far on very little gas/petrol.

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Offline GTX

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Re: Russian small car to take on decadant west!
« Reply #16 on: March 27, 2009, 12:21:09 pm »
Quote
My sources inform me that the hair dryer is actually bigger adn far more intimidating.

Be careful comrade, you may have inadvertently (we hope, for your sake!) stumbled across the peoples' new secret weapon system there!

Regards,

Greg
All hail the God of Frustration!!!

Offline lancer

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Re: Russian small car to take on decadant west!
« Reply #17 on: March 27, 2009, 03:01:37 pm »
Quote
My sources inform me that the hair dryer is actually bigger adn far more intimidating.

Be careful comrade, you may have inadvertently (we hope, for your sake!) stumbled across the peoples' new secret weapon system there!

Regards,

Greg

So we are now going to blow dry the west into submission are we comrade?? InterestinK!!!!

Lancerov - Colonel GRU
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Offline puddingwrestler

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Re: Russian small car to take on decadant west!
« Reply #18 on: March 28, 2009, 01:43:16 pm »
no no commerade - is model which fit over head as seen in glorious people's styling salon. Is work as mind control hat. To be infilitrated into decadent west and soon we have army of brain washed house wives for to desabilise government.
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Offline puddingwrestler

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Re: Russian small car to take on decadant west!
« Reply #19 on: March 28, 2009, 10:44:29 pm »
The tattered remains of a PAH brouchure have been discovered in the Minsk people's library archieves. It is thought that the brouchure may have been produced when an export porgram to Europe was considered, however it is known that this never eventuated. Much of the brouchure has been destroyed by the ravages of time along with flood damage which struck the archieve in 1997 when the water pipes froze up and burst.
However, the following text can be made out (in English no less!)

"...happy motoring. Hardly sprung suspensions is make PAH excellent choice for comfort and handle well. Generous 12 inch wheels are for perfect for use in rural areas and on rough track such as found in such place. Can be made to carry much cargo in large trunk or boot attach to back of car and fully water tight. Comfortable interior feature seat for four adult and also full instrumentation (Speedometer, Tachometer and Fuelometer). PAH is built from Beetaplast new wonder material..."

On the reverse of this, the following specifications can just be made out:

Engine: 850cc Inline Four cylinder wiht double down draft glorious 'Red Flag' carburetor.
Transmission: Four Speed fully unsynchronised STC. (note: STC probably stands for Smolensk Tractor Collective) Also having reverse gear at no extra costings!
Wheelbase: 2.04m
Length: 3.10m
Width: 1.42m
Height: 1.35m
Kerb weights: 615kg
Body: Two door wery small saloon made from Beetaplast, new wonder material specially developed by soviet scientist!

A partial options list can also be made out - it is fascinsating to note that the Kerosene heater is still available, despite the misgivings of the designers. Other options include a spare tyre, windshield wipers, and a valve-state 78rpm gramophone which can be built into the back seat, taking up the whole space.They don't make options like that anymore!

REsearch and industrial archeology continues, and I am confident that I will soon be able to bring to light the rest of this startling story.
« Last Edit: March 28, 2009, 10:46:55 pm by puddingwrestler »
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Offline lancer

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Re: Russian small car to take on decadant west!
« Reply #20 on: March 29, 2009, 09:29:33 am »
no no commerade - is model which fit over head as seen in glorious people's styling salon. Is work as mind control hat. To be infilitrated into decadent west and soon we have army of brain washed house wives for to desabilise government.

Ah I see, this is an excellent idea comrade, and the good thing is that these decadent western women will actually pay for thier indoctrination sessions, thus bringing in much nreeded foregin currency for the motherland!! I will reccommend you for a commendation comrade!

Lancerov - Colonel GRU
If you love, love without reservation; If you fight, fight without fear - THAT is the way of the warrior

If you go into battle knowing you will die, then you will live. If you go into battle hoping to live, then you will die

Offline Ti Raven

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Re: Russian small car to take on decadant west!
« Reply #21 on: March 29, 2009, 11:13:52 am »
"a valve-state 78rpm gramophone which can be built into the back seat"....
With options like that, we shall soon take over the world. The People of depressed Capitalist Countries shall flock to our Banner!
Collecting Greeblies is.... addictive.

Offline JoeP

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Re: Russian small car to take on decadant west!
« Reply #22 on: March 30, 2009, 07:31:55 pm »
Comrades, the decadent capitalist west recently recognized the superiority of our glorious Soviet cars on a recent (to the US) episode of "Top Gear", a show where three foolish Western men repeatedly demonstrate the inferiority of all cars produced in the west. Their only heroic member is known as the "Stig", which we all know is short for Soviet Technical Industrial... umm... Gears!

The one known as Jeremy demonstrated the indestructibility of one vehicle by attempting, unsuccessfully, to damage it with a sledgehammer. Then he and "Captain Slow", an appropriate title for most westerners, showed how great Soviet cars do not waste energy in oversized engines, clearly demonstrated by the capitalist running dog pointlessly outracing our magnificent, sufficiently-powered sedans. Finally they showed the great protectionist qualities by repeatedly crashing two cars together, running one of the road into rough with no significant damage, and finally taking a small truck deep into a swamp where even a pathetic Range Rover could not go, so deep that the Soviet truck has to push out the RR with a special, Communist rigid rope tied between them.

I cannot wait to see the latest product of our glorious Socialist factories!

JoeP
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Offline nev

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Re: Russian small car to take on decadant west!
« Reply #23 on: March 31, 2009, 09:09:37 am »
Comrade IosefP, perhaps you should forward your report to the Department of Socialist Education, Re-education and Enlightenment.  Top Gearski would surely prove popular with the proletariat.
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Offline puddingwrestler

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Re: Russian small car to take on decadant west!
« Reply #24 on: March 31, 2009, 02:26:24 pm »
Commerades! Most excellent news!

I have tracked down the last surviving PAH, in possession of Ms. Natascha Romokov of Minsk. To Minsk I am going today for to interview Ms Romokov who is ex-PAH factory worker and owns PAH.
Commerades; there will be photographs! There will be full story of PAH! There will be rejoicmentings!
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Offline puddingwrestler

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Re: Russian small car to take on decadant west!
« Reply #25 on: April 01, 2009, 01:52:43 am »
Commerades! At last it can be told - the story of glorious PAH small car and how decadent west conspired to destroy it before even it reached true potentials!
Have just returned from interview with Ms Natascha Romokov, ex factory worker for PAH, now sixty-four years old. From Ms Romokov have learned true story and full of PAH!

In 1962, Puddingskyia Automobile Works (PAH) is founded by Alexi Puddingskyia to produce small car based on design such as that produced by Austin and Morris in decadent western United Kingdom (so what if they give us glorious MiG engines, they are still capitalist monarchist pigs-dog-rabbit-mice!). Is greatly helped when English tourist takes wrong turn due to confusing German maps and drives over east german border in car called 'mini'. Car is confiscated and rushed to Minsk for Puddingskyia to analyse.
Design is clever, but Puddingskyia see ways for to improve, so design work begin.
In 1964, is ready for production and PAH Collective Factory is set up in former Minsk Tractor Factory. Is staffed by unwed teenage mothers (reports in decadent west that Soviet Union lacks for caring for teenage mothers gross lies. Factory even feature special nappy change room and creche where children of age twelve months and up learn to sing Red Flag loudly while also at same time cleaning small PAH car parts!). Ms. Romokov, aged at time eighteen years and mother of fine young socialist son is employed to be fitting steering columns. Production model feature bolt-on steering column after disasterous results of prototype car with glue-on unit.
 Large order for PAH small car are coming in from Red Army, Red Airforce, Red Fleet and politburo, not to mention many happy worker.
Production is start and go wery well for three weeks until October 22nd, 1964. ON this day, Ms Romokov is sick and attend people's clinic in Minsk. At PAH plant, is terrible accident. Soviet press is blame on sabotage by capitalist pig western General Motors company fearing PAH exports hit thier sales. Real cause (found out after collapse of soviet union) is terrible accident. Glorious Soviet Worker drives petrol tanker to PAH plant for to be fueling up first batch of car off production line so as can be deliver. Driver passes Pravda printing works, and stops for to be taking part in bounty of over-turned Vodka tanker. Driver is get wery cheerful. Driver is reach PAH plant, but is not stop! Is drive straight into plant, tanker rams into vat which hold liquid resin for to make Beetaplast. Is wery volatile mixture. Driver is smoke ciggarette. Is react to Beetaplast not good.
Is wery large explosion.
PAH factory is destroyed totally, along with four-hundred and twelve unwed teenage mothers, forty-four overseers, engineers and others, and Alexi Puddingskyia. Repair of factory is impossible, all plans for car lost. PAH project reluctantly abandon.
Ms. Romokov is given sole surviving PAH car as compensation and find job as secretary for Politburo. She take to wear trousers for to prevent showing of high-quality soviet people's undergarment.
Still have PAH car in possession. Is not been drive since 1968 when front suspension is go wrong. No replacement available, so stored in garage since.

Ms Romokov tells me that car looks exactly as when left PAH factory in 1964, although has some dust from long storage. Paintwork is still in factory condition, and car still run apart from suspension meaning cannot be driven. Beetaplast body work show no sign of crack and age like western fibreglass does.
Ms Romokov's car is painted 'The People's Blue' (other colour option include 'The People's Black' and 'The People's Red', also plan for race version to take on west in rally, painted in red with Hammer and Sickle flag roof), and feature no optional extra. Is sole surviving model of PAH, and Ms. Romokov wery supised PAH has been discover again as thought all forgott many year ago.

Commerades: please to enjoy pictures of PAH!






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Offline tanktastic43

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Re: Russian small car to take on decadant west!
« Reply #26 on: April 01, 2009, 03:10:22 am »
YES! Gotta have one. Sod the Audi R8.  ;D  :thumbsup:

Offline nev

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Re: Russian small car to take on decadant west!
« Reply #27 on: April 01, 2009, 05:04:02 am »
Comrade, is finest example of post-revolutionary revisionist history in history of Socialism!  International recognition is surely forthcoming for this outstanding piece of rhetoric!

http://www.whatifmodelers.com/index.php/topic,23097.msg346216.html#msg346216
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Offline Chap

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Re: Russian small car to take on decadant west!
« Reply #28 on: April 01, 2009, 09:05:57 am »
A Soviet Mini! :lol: I love it.

~Steve

Offline Jschmus

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Re: Russian small car to take on decadant west!
« Reply #29 on: April 02, 2009, 03:21:22 am »
Looks like competition for the old Trabant.



http://www.time.com/time/specials/2007/article/0,28804,1658545_1658533_1658030,00.html

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