Tank Pirates of the Hay Plains.A Dieselpunk Anime from Studio zenrat set in the worlds of My Sky the Free Winds.
Akuyaku #1 Short Gun Barrel - 8 by
Fred Maillardet, on Flickr
The rule of law was but a distant memory in the broken brown land which was once Terastralis. What had formally been a (albeit uneasy and bickering) confederation of notional states and terrortories had descended into disorder, disharmony, and disgust.
The Queen Lands were a bombed out ruin; Western Terra was a mostly uninhabited desert; South Terastralis, New South England, and Darwinsland were a patchwork of squabbling hegemonies, warlord fiefdoms and bandit tribal-lands; Van Daemons’ Isle was a strict no-fun polytheistic misogynocracy; while Vicortia had locked down her borders, fired up her industries and was at war with everyone she was selling weapons to.
Akuyaku #1 Short Gun Barrel - 3 by
Fred Maillardet, on Flickr
To the North of Vicortia lay the Hay Plains; a vast flat land rife with roaming gangs, clans, tribes, and other loose groupings of buccaneers, privateers, freebooters, plunderers, pillagers, corsairs, marauders, and thieves. Right at the tip of this composting cess-pile of villainy and gutter-trash were the Tank Pirates, and the fattest maggot in that peak of squirming fecundity was Hideki Gruntojo.
Known as Captain Squealer (but never to his face – at least not twice
1), Gruntojo had been a perfectly normal child (albeit small for his age), growing up on the shores of Lake Mungo until at eight years old a freak accident with the power kneaders of the dough processing mill in his parents automated gyoza plant left him looking somewhat different to his playmates. Children being what they are they teased him mercilessly, picked on him, and bullied him both physically and psychologically. Young Hideki put up with this for as long as he could (10 minutes) at which point he snapped and butchered most of them with a pair of plastic safety scissors and a bottle of clag before fleeing to the high plains where he signed on as a grouser monkey
2 with the first band of tank pirates that would have him.
Akuyaku #1 Short Gun Barrel - 6 by
Fred Maillardet, on Flickr
Rapidly working his way up through the ranks (a sharp rap on the head with a flensing wrench or a couple of pumps from a strategically placed geese
3 gun can work wonders) he was an under driver by age twelve and was Tankenfuhrer commanding his own tank at sixteen.
Concerns about potentially traumatising younger readers forbid me from fully detailing Squealers rise to power as supreme leader of his own Panzercohort at 21, but needless to say it involved treachery, back (and front) stabbing, betrayal, bloody murder, more treachery, and a King Island triple cream Brie so ripe it flowed like honey
4.
Under Squealers command Panzercohort Razorback prospered and grew (unlike their victims who tended to stop growing permanently after the experience) absorbing tanks and crews from other, lesser cohorts until the day came when Hideki achieved that to which all Tankenfuhrers aspired – he bought and took delivery of a brand new Akuyaku Tank from the Melbourne based Vicortian Tank Works.
Akuyaku #1 Short Gun Barrel - 5 by
Fred Maillardet, on Flickr
The tank Hideki Gruntojo chose was the top of the range Akuyaku #1. From the options list he ticked the boxes for short barrel gun, Spackman Industries telehydrauloscopic Far Horizon observationacelle, UnstuckumFastum
tm underbelly crawler drive, twin Chicom Powercorp whiffium cobalt tokamaks
5 powering multiply redundant cross wired Nikola T35LA Hi-Tork Hemi
tm motors, a 3.23:1 Differential, lightweight fenders and hood, roll cage, heater & seatbelt delete, and a SMEG cheese safe. The result was the meanest and most feared tank on the Hay Plains. Fast, heavily armed, manouverable, radioactive, capable of low 14 second quarters, and able to provide quality charootery
6 at the drop of a hat.
In other words, marvellous.
Akuyaku #1 Short Gun Barrel - 7 by
Fred Maillardet, on Flickr
1Mainly because after the first time you were missing
your face.
2Track maintenance and adjustment, when carried out on the move is best done by small children who can flit between the idlers.
3Not a typo.
4Like an episode of Survivor, except for the cheese.
5The series one reactors. The ones with the dodgy shielding but a much higher specific max output that were supposed to have been withdrawn but were still available if you knew the right boxes to tick on your VTW dealerships special services desk order form.
6Also not a typo.
Akuyaku #1 Short Gun Barrel - 13 by
Fred Maillardet, on Flickr
The ModelPlatz 1/72 Akuyaku #1 Short Gun Barrel.
Squealer figure from the kit. Other figures are white metal from Elheim Figures.
