Retail tales

[Weaver]

If you're on Twitter, read this thread. It's hilarious... : (EDIT: as Nick points out, you can still read it by clicking the link even if you're not on Twitter)

https://twitter.com/fairycakes/status/1167486263030665216?s=20

If you aren't on Twitter, this thread is all the reason you need to be on Twitter.

(I might screenshot and post some highlights if enough people are interested...)

[Nick]

You don't need a Twitter account to read these. I can easily believe they are all true stories after years of customer service...

My stories:

"Does Westminster Bridge go to both sides of the river?"

"What time is the 11:45 cruise?"

Last month a guy asked "What time is it?" so I looked up at Big Ben and told him.
He looked stunned and said "You actually use that clock to tell the time?!"

Americans are funny when they want to know the waiting time...
"The river cruise/London Eye, how long is it?"
"About this long..." <Me, holding my hands so far apart> 
(Best when done by teachers so their entire class laughs at them  )

Customer looking at tickets...
"Can I help you?"
"I'm kinda lost, am I in the right place?"
"Of course you are, you're in London...."

"What do I do if the boat sinks?"
"Do your best Jack and Rose Titanic impression"
"What?!"
"I'm joking! Take photos of it, you'll be on a lifeboat before you get your feet wet." 

"What happens if I fall in the water?" 
"You get wet."
"Really?!" 

"Where is the London Eye?"
Me, looking up at 1500 tons of rotating metal - "Just above your head, sir?"

"Can I get a one way ticket for going on the Eye?" 

"Can we get out at the top?" 
"Er, nope." 

"How long does it take to ride to the top of the London Eye?"
"15 minutes"
"But I thought it was a half hour trip?"
"Yep, 15 minutes to the top and 15 minutes down again"
This is usually followed with
"Oh yeeeah "

[Weaver]

Those are excellent Nick.

My little contribution:

Him: "Hello, I'd like some financial advice..."

Me: "Ah, sorry: wrong number. This is an office in BAe Systems, Woodford: we get crossed lines all the time."

Him: (haughtily) "Are you sure?"

...pause...

Me: "Yes, I've just gone and looked out of my door and there are definitely 300 guys out there building aeroplanes.
        I can still ask them what you can do with your money if you'd like though?
        I'm sure they'd be delighted to tell you..."

...click...

[Rheged]

Years ago, I ran the customer service department of a big book wholesaler. Our number was one digit different from a TV rental establishment. We'd regularly get calls in a selection of irate voices:-

My vertical hold has gone!

Bagpuss* has gone all fuzzy and my grandson doesn't like it.

I'm renting a colour TV but the Charlie Chaplain film  I'm watching is only in black & white.

And many others like this too!

*Bagpuss... BBC children's TV series  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bagpuss

[PR19_Kit]

My home phone number is the same as a local dentist's, but with the last two numbers reversed.

NUMEROUS times I've had conversations like this.....

Them : 'Hello, I'd like an urgent appointment please, my tooth's really hurting very badly'

Me : 'I'm sorry, this isn't the dentist's number, you've got the 6 and the 8 the wrong way round'

Them : 'Oh, OK. But can you do anything for my tooth?'

Me : 'Well, I have a large collection of different sizes of pliers............?' 

Amazingly after that some of them even called back too! 

[JayBee]

A number of years ago I worked with a young lady who still lived at home. The phone number there was only two digits separated from the number of a local Ladies hair dresser.
They got so fed up with people asking for hair appointments that they just said "Yes that's fine" to such requests. The calls eventually stopped!

[zenrat]

When a student in a share house our number was very similar to that of the MacDonalds in the city centre shopping mall.
People would occasionally ring wanting to book a children's party.
Obviously we would accept the booking ("let me get the diary.  What date?  Oh sorry, 2 o'clock is booked that day.  How about 3:30? Payment? No you pay on the day, just what you order and there is a 10% discount for party bookings...").
We never went down there to see what happened though.

[Nick]

These remind of a crucial mistake I made when jobhunting in around 1998/99. When applying to job agencies I gave them my CV. What I hadn't noticed was I'd got my own phone number wrong. 

God knows how many offers of temp work or fulltime employment I missed out on.... 

It was only when I called them up after a few weeks that I found out - and who wants to employ someone who gets their own number wrong?

[scooter]

Like so many other tales of phone number woes, a number I had when I was living in North Jersey had two numbers reversed from a semi-local Cadillac dealership.  After several messages left on my answering machine, I changed the greeting to include their number.

As for retail woes, SWMBO works in a hardware store on the mainland outside of the shore community of Sea Isle, NJ (and surrounded by several campgrounds as well).  Her biggest gripe right now, besides one of her coworkers we've nicknamed "Crouching Weasel", are folks from Pennsylvania...who are dropping at least a couple of grand on a week-long holiday rental, and complain about the prices of x, y, z in the store- notably propane.

[PR19_Kit]

On similar lines to my 'dentists calls' but in face-to-face terms :-

Back in the late 60s I used to help out on Friday evenings and on Saturdays at my best mate Derek's model shop in Oxford. We did some good business as the plastic and flying aircraft modellers learnt to come in when I was there as they'd get the good info because Derek was mainly a railway and figure modeller. The shop was on a street just a short distance from the centre of Oxford (it appears in episodes of 'Morse' now and then....) and it had a bus stop right outside.

We were CONSTANTLY troubled by people coming in from the bus stop wanting to buy newspapers, cigarettes, sweets and all sorts! We patiently explained that we were a model shop (which was why there was a 6 ft wingspan glider model in the window!) and some of them STILL asked for newspapers, cigarettes or sweets!

The killer was ice creams in the summer, we got SO many requests to sell ice creams that Derek seriously looked into getting an ice cream fridge! 

Slightly changing tack, one Saturday we had a guy come in asking for a propeller for a Spitfire so Derek passed him onto me, and I started down the route of 'What Mark was it? 2,3,4 or 5 blades? Rotol or de Havilland?' etc. His reply was he didn't know they were different but he wanted one about '....this big.....' holding his hands about 10-12" apart.

So I started off on the 'Was it free flight or radio control? route, only to be told he hadn't decided yet, so I asked him what engine size he had.

He replied 'I haven't got any of the other bits yet, I just thought I'd like to build a Spitfire model and I'd start at the front.' !!!!!!! 

[Old Wombat]

At least he had a plan!

[rickshaw]

At least he had a plan!

Always best to have a plan, mate.  Allows you to sort out all the details and decide what you need first and foremost.   You wouldn't want to be building the deck of a ship before you've built the hull, now would ye?   

[NARSES2]

At least he had a plan!

And possibly better than some 

At least he had a plan!

Always best to have a plan, mate.  Allows you to sort out all the details and decide what you need first and foremost.   You wouldn't want to be building the deck of a ship before you've built the hull, now would ye?   

That's what they do in a lot of modern yards, what with pre-fabrication etc 

[Nick]

At least he had a plan!

Always best to have a plan, mate.  Allows you to sort out all the details and decide what you need first and foremost.   You wouldn't want to be building the deck of a ship before you've built the hull, now would ye?   

Depends if it's a waterline model, surely? 

When they built the new airport on St Helena the luggage conveyor belt arrived before the terminal was finished!
http://www.ukexportnews.co.uk/news/1343/Smallest-Baggage-Reclaim-Carousel-Ever-From-Robson

[zenrat]

When people scratchbuild large scale (1/6 and up) cars or motorbikes they often source tyres and then use them to set the scale.  This is because scratchbuilding a them would be a nightmare.